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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/30991
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/30991
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

It might make more sense if you did the same thing, but shorten the chapters so the alternation is faster, event by event. Basically, "here is what Mike saw" then "here is what Nancy saw" for the train derailment.

Or equivalently, if you don't want to inflate the chapter count, you could just alternate **within** the chapter, and use centered bold sub-headings to indicate POV.

> **_--------------------------------------------Mark--------------------------------------------_**
> 
> He heard the explosions in rapid succession before he saw the effect, apparently they broke the axles because the front wheels of the locomotive all tilted in odd directions as the locomotive itself seemed to lift from the track and turn toward its left... [continued as long as necessary]
> 
> **_-------------------------------------------Nancy--------------------------------------------_**
> 
> She heard explosions, off to the west somewhere, and looked to see if she could find the source. For a moment she froze as the saw the long straight line of train cars begin to unravel. Almost like dominoes, cars were falling off to the side, each pulling the next over with it, and the line of this action was heading straight toward her. She unfroze and threw her truck in reverse and floored it, before she even had time to turn and see where she was going. [continued for rest of train wreck]

That might be more clear to the reader, since each event would still be clear in their mind, and it would increase the contrast between the two POV for the same reason. They remember what Mark experienced, now right away here is what Nancy experienced. Then this is what Mark experienced next, and right away, here is how Nancy saw it.

Clarity is all that matters. If your editor doesn't like your approach, as long as it was clear, then it won't really matter, you can correct it to comport with his preference in no time.

Original score: 1