At what point do you draw the line of showing, and not telling, or vice versa?
I often get confused in writing about whether or not something is showing or telling. For example, if my character wears a mask through which he can’t see, and I as the all-knowing narrator/writer explain in a small paragraph that his race can also orient themselves by sensing life energy around them, am I showing or telling? Is this a bad way to give this information to the reader, and if so, what would be a better way?
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1 answer
You are telling and should not be.
"Show don't tell" comes from the film industry and their need to restrict dialogue, for many valid reasons of verisimilitude. So nobody should say "I am angry," they ACT angry. In other words, consider the consequences of them being angry. What does an angry person do? What do they look like?
This same maxim is transported to written fiction for the same reason: verisimilitude.
Instead of you, the author, telling the reader about an ability (which you can do in a short paragraph), it is better for the reader to 'see' the consequences of such an ability. How does it make the character feel? What is the effect on their actions? That can take many paragraphs, but it is better:
When you TELL a reader something, you give them a fact. Facts are very easy to forget and have little impact, and facts are just boring to read.
When you SHOW the reader something, the consequences of a fact, you give the reader an experience in their imagination. Experiences are much easier to remember than facts, and these imaginary experiences are, in fact, why the reader is reading: They are fun, the imaginary experiences involve our emotions and are the big payoff in reading. We triumph with Harry Potter and fear for the safety of brave hobbits.
Anytime you try to explain a character's actions by stating a fact or characteristic about them, you are telling instead showing.
Don't tell me Harry is brave, make him do something brave without saying the word 'brave'.
Don't tell me Kathy is beautiful, find a way to show that other characters find Kathy beautiful (without saying the word 'beautiful'!).
And don't tell me the landscape is breathtaking. Take somebody's breath away without saying "breathtaking".
This is harder work than just telling, and requires more words and description to imagine the experience than to just label it. In my own writing much of it is done in rewrite, I often 'tell' as a shorthand, then 'show' on rewrite, sometimes expanding one line to a few paragraphs so the reader experiences the feelings of the character.
So in your example, close your eyes and imagine what it is like to feel the life forces around you, those close, those further. Can you feel them in other rooms? How far does this sense range? Just this room, or blocks away? Miles? How do you map them, like candles in the fog, or stars in the sky? Can you tell the difference between young and old? Sick and healthy? Human and mouse? Write about it. The reader wants to know what it is like to have this sense, not just that such a sense exists.
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