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I think it is fine and reads well, however, I do not ever break the rules of breaking :-) I don't embed dialogue or italicized thought in exposition. No! I'm not a dengenerate! should appear as a ...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-19T22:13:14Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/31734 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T07:26:44Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/31734 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I think it is fine and reads well, however, I do not ever break the rules of breaking :-) I don't embed dialogue or italicized thought in exposition. _No! I'm not a dengenerate!_ should appear as a paragraph on its own, for example. The same for _No! They know!_, and then "Help!" FYI: I use italicized thought for literally the exact thing being thought. In exposition, I don't mind indirect thought, unitalicized, like "Karen thought it was beautiful, she didn't know that level of control was even possible."
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-11-29T18:20:03Z (almost 7 years ago)
Original score: 3