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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/31944
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

"...I'm so cold, p-please... I don't, I don't want to go.." is a stock phrase because anyone could say it, so everybody does. Instead, make it personal. Make the character say something that only they would say.

Weave in something from their past. Maybe they are remembering how they almost froze to death that one time in Siberia and now, feeling cold, hallucinate that they are there again.

Let them say something that shows their character. The above phrase doesn't really reveal anything about the person saying it.

Let them talk about concerns or worries that are very specific to them ("Who's gonna feed my tarantula? Nobody else knows how she likes to be stroked...") or about very individual goals that they wanted to achieve ("This... this can't be how I die... I was going to fight in the zombie apocalypse!").

By reading their last words a reader should be able to guess which character is dying. This will also make it easier for the reader to relate to the character in this emotional situation, thus making their death more impactful.

Original score: 8