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Q&A

How to get past the cringe factor of reviewing my earliest writing attempts?

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I’m currently working on a novel that I’m remodelling from an old fanfiction novel I wrote around 6 years ago. That was the first thing I’ve ever fully planned, written, edited, and completed. I’ve been writing consistently since then and believe I have improved immensely. I’ve reread that story a couple of times since then, usually skimming and skipping wherever I feel like it. I know there are many problems with it: it’s too long, the prose is often clunky, there’s inner monologue that goes round and round in circles and subplots that never go anywhere at all. But there are also some real gems of dialogue and humour, and the development of the main relationship is pretty strong (something I’m struggling with in the current version).

When starting the new novel, I had decided to go back and read the fanfiction with a more critical eye in order to pick out the good parts, so I can try to emulate them, and the bad parts, so I can avoid the same pitfalls again. I am also interested in simply recording just how much I have improved since then. However, whenever I try to sit down and read it, I am immediately put off because the writing in many places is just plain bad. It was my very first attempt, so that’s to be expected. But I find it so cringey that I struggle to get past the opening chapter.

I’m wondering if there’s any advice out there to desensitise oneself to their own bad writing, in order to review and improve? Especially one’s early writings, which are undeniably bad but have some small gems of goodness hidden in them.

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For desensitizing yourself, I'd question the wisdom of that. If it's bad writing, it should hurt. Let it hurt if you want to learn from it. I purposefully read bad fiction in order to keep my critical reading skills sharp, but generally I read other people's bad fiction. I pace myself, reading a chapter a day at most. I also keep in mind the purpose for which I'm reading, and as such, I keep a list of things I didn't like and why, and things I did like and why. I usually address the things I didn't like by challenging myself to demonstrate how I'm not making the same mistake in my current WIP. In summary, crap sandwiches are best eaten in small, methodical bites. Be purposeful, and let it hurt because only discomfort inspires change.

As an aside, I'd also question the wisdom of mining for small gems. Anything pulled out of the early work and dropped into another work runs the risk of feeling out-of-place. If it truly will fit in the new work, and it belongs, I think one's subconsciousness can be trusted to dig it up if it truly is worth remembering.

Finally, I can understand the desire to look back at how far you've come, but perhaps the time to do that might be after you've written the new novel and not before. Reading old, awful work before beginning new work is typically an invitation for anxiety. It adds pressure to not suck at a time when anxiety is high and needs to be shed just to get the rough draft hammered out.

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I am analytical by nature, even as I am writing new stuff.

My recommendation would be to make a copy and actually go analytical, as if it were written by somebody else (and it really was, you are a different writer now than you were then). I say make a copy because the purpose is to edit it and write notes. Do it in boldface or red or whatever, but when you come across something cringe-worthy, identify the problem, add a note or lesson at the beginning, and move on.

If your editor can open more than one file at once, copy the lessons (if they are new) into a separate file, and any passages you really like into a third file (with or without a note to recall the context and what you like about it).

While you're at it, you might extract a summary of the plot points; why you put in each scene. What it was supposed to accomplish (if anything), why you felt it was necessary. So in the end you have something like an English outline of what each scene and chapter in the book was supposed to accomplish.

You might want to accomplish the same purpose with your new work, even if written from scratch. Or rearrange or revise the outline to make better sense.

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