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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/32783
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/32783
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Three questions, whose answers may help avoiding reader's confusion:

# 1. Why should the reader care?

You have attempted to lay down the foundation of a new grammar for achieving something. To simplify with an example, you have invented a hammer. Why should anybody care about this hammer if there are no nails?

The result of all these actions should have a clear purpose in your story. Best if the purpose is essential to the story itself. If you are not going to use a 500 words dictionary for your grammar, then limit it to the words you are effectively going to use. Show at the beginning of the story how the grammar works and how powerful it is,

> John Doe put all his heart in understanding this _domino_ magic. He already knew how to get _Si_ to work in order to lit a fire, and he had already had his share of troubles with all the rocks appearing after invoking _Fr_. Now he whispered "SiFr!" and waited for the molten magma to cool down on the ashes of his old home.

then, when you need it, you will not need to explain anything again. The reader will be already familiar with the

> "FoffSi!" shouted John Doe and, not without breaking a sweat, dragged Jane Doe away from the flaming wind he had just invoked from the sky.

# 2. How would you explain this to a layman?

Imagine you did not know anything of what you described above. How would you react to its description? In other words, what is the easiest way to describe what you wrote? Write it down, count the words, and now explain it using half the number of words. Repeat. Think of it as an extreme form of [rubber duck debugging](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging), with the goal of simplifying the exposure, instead of finding bugs.

> To control nature may sound easy. Afterall, one just needs the right combination of words: _Si_ commanded a blob of fire to appear dancing in front of one's very eyes, and _Fr_, carefully pronounced with the tongue rolled beneath the teeth, would instead command a blob of stone to levitate for a moment in the air. It may last an instant, and unless the magic has a form to attach itself to, it turns back to nothing. Yet, it is not easy, and the most skilled of mages spend their entire lives trying to perfect the sounds, which John Doe had just become acquainted with. _Si_ for fire, _Foff_ for air, etc etc ...

# 3. Could you replace anything by something simpler?

This is a sort of [Occam's razor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Occam%27s_razor) approach. If anything can be replaced by a simpler tool, then by all means do it. For instance, unless you have an ironclad reason to reinvent the dictionary, then why not using _Fire_ for fire and _Stone_ for stone, so that magma could be _StoneFire_?

It does not detract from your creativity and from the use that you make of this device in your story, and it positively impact your storytelling karma.

Original score: 6