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Q&A Is there a tactful way to give advice to a writer who needs it, but doesn't think so?

While honesty is an admirable trait, I feel the prime "purpose" of friends and family is to offer support, not criticism. People who make it in the world usually have close relations who stand by ...

posted 6y ago by System‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

Answer
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T08:24:57Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/34618
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T08:24:57Z (over 4 years ago)
1. While honesty is an admirable trait, I feel the prime "purpose" of friends and family is to offer support, not criticism. People who make it in the world usually have close relations who stand by them without ever doubting them. Even if your friend explicitly asks for an honest judgment, as long as you are not a literary agent or other kind of expert yourself, I would be extremely careful by destoying their hope with a layperson's opinion that might in fact be completely wrong.

2. You learn writing by writing. If your friend keeps writing they will eventually get better. So don't discourage them by telling them they cannot write, when in fact they probably will learn it if you motivate them. Think of parents and children. Children cannot walk or write or speak a foreign language, when they first attempt it, yet parents praise them for their efforts until they can, because a realistic assessment is not what the learner needs, but support and encouragement.

3. If you honestly feel that your friends would profit from some honest feedback, for example, because it might help them to learn writing better faster, suggest to them to join a writing group or employ an editor before they publish their works. But make sure you don't say that their writing sucks and they need help to make it acceptable, but rather that it's good but can be made better.

4. Finally, you can point out a few of the most glaring mistakes. A good practice is to begin with praise, offer one point of criticism, then end in praise. Do not point out all the faults that you see, just the ones that you think your friend might themselves agree with once they notice them (or that maybe they already are aware of themselves). But don't expect anything from your criticism, don't press, and generally remain supportive of their endeavour.

5. Basically think about what you expect from your friends and family when you really want something and try to make it work. Most people want at least one person who unfailingly believes in them. Give your friends what you wish for them to give to you.

6. If you are really right and your friend's writing is truly bad, reality will eventually kick in in the form of continued rejections from publishers, low sales of self-published books, and bad reviews from readers. If, on the other hand, your friend is successful, your assessment of their quality doesn't matter. Many bestsellers are badly written.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2018-03-27T06:49:43Z (about 6 years ago)
Original score: 6