Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/35213
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

What needs to be kept in mind is that writing isn't for you, it's for the reader. As a writer, we imagine the story in our heads, we see it vividly, and then we write. But that _in itself_ doesn't guarantee what we see and feel is transferred to the reader's head. **The problem with purple prose is that the writer is charmed by a visual idea, and writes down a bunch of words around that experience, yet utterly fails to convey its charm to the reader.**

This is something I struggle with myself constantly. I think the problem in the writing sample you provided is less that the descriptions are purple than that they are incoherent and contradictory. You describe the hair as "long lustrous locks", "watery waves" and "silky", but also as "unimpressive plain, crow-black hair" and "slick, stick-straight hair." Not only are stick-straight and watery-waves physically contradictory, the descriptions are also emotionally contradictory. Does the protagonist love her hair or hate it? Does she experience it as "silky" (positive) or "slick" (negative)? **What you end up with is a word salad that doesn't give the reader any consistent physical OR emotional impression.** That, in turn, makes the verbiage seem self-indulgent and unnecessary.

I think you could easily go on about the hair at equal, or even greater length, without testing the patience of your readers, if you just made it more worth their while. **Don't just spew words, use them to help your reader understand your character, her place in the world, her point of view, her emotional state, and so forth.**"Long lustrous ebony locks, hanging straight down like a curtain of water --that's what the men who admired her saw. But to Jane herself, it was just plain, stick-straight, crow-black hair --one more thing to try to keep under control."

Original score: 1