Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/39449
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

There is no clear rule sometimes detailed description does the job at other times you are better off evoking what you want with a few well chosen words.

The first thing to note is that detail also has an effect on pace, more description tends to slow things down.

there is also always a bit of a temptation to see writing as being 'paid by the word' and to use adjective and adverbs as a sort of seasoning at the expense of more sophisticated tools like metaphor and simile.

Lets look at your exaple text and remove all of the adjectives.

> It took all of what she had to restrain from stealing a glance at her limbs. A breeze tickled Sabrina's ears, and moved aside a curl covering her cheek. Instead of feeling revitalised, a surge of irritation rippled within her, which manifested itself in her moans of annoyance and shuffling in the rickshaw seat. Sabrina had spent half of that morning ensuring that curl stayed fastened to in place. Apparently, the clip had slid down. Cursing the silkiness of her hair, she focused on the wide roads of concrete they whirled past.
> 
> It took all of what she had to restrain from **even so much as** stealing a **quick** glance at her **flushed, bony** limbs. A **blow of cool, spring** breeze tickled Sabrina's ears, and **whooshed** aside a **stray** curl covering her **left** cheek. Instead of feeling revitalised, a surge of irritation rippled within her, which manifested itself in **her sudden** moans of annoyance and shuffling **uneasily** in the rickshaw seat. Sabrina had spent **the better** half of that morning **painstakingly** ensuring that that curl stayed fastened to its **rightful** place. Apparently, the clip had slid down her **watery waves of decidedly unimpressive plain, crow-black** hair. Cursing the silkiness of her **slick, stick-straight** hair, she moved onto focusing on the wide roads of concrete they whirled past.

For me all the cut bits add nothing to the scene which isn't already implied. This is what the infamous **'show don't tell**' advice really means.

Think about how you would describe this scene in person. As I read it this person is annoyed because she has nice hair which she has spent a lot of time arranging and it has been disturbed by the wind. How would you descipbe the scene to someone you were t alking to face to face ?

Spoken English is by no means identical to English but they do share something of a common rhythm. Often the natural rhythm of a non-native speaker will be a bit different but this is not at all a bad thing and the last thing you want to do is to try to write in a style which is not really your own.

Original score: 1