Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/35378
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

This is a question about dialogue and **effective** dialogue, can and should do more than just feature a conversation between two people (or the self - inner dialogue). It should add depth and personality, animate your characters, move the story forward, and feel as real as an actual conversation (even though you shouldn't write it that way.)

I feel it's always best to use a great existing examples so let's start with John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men who created vibrant characters that are hard to forget. His characters come to life through dialogue and is a great study. We'll start with passages from Chapter 3:

> ...Slim sat down on a box and George took his place opposite.
> 
> "It wasn't nothing," said Slim. "I would of had to drowned most of 'em anyways. No need to thank me about that."
> 
> George said, "It wasn't much to you, maybe, but it was a hell of a lot to him. Jesus Christ, I don't know how we're gonna get him to sleep in here. He'll want to sleep right out in the barn with 'em. We'll have trouble keepin' him from getting right in the box with them pups."
> 
> "It wasn't nothing," Slim repeated. "Say, you sure was right about him. Maybe he ain't bright, but I never seen such a worker. He damn near killed his partner buckin' barley. There ain't nobody can keep up with him. God awmighty, I never seen such a strong guy."
> 
> George spoke proudly. "Jus' tell Lennie what to do an' he'll do it if it don't take no figuring. He can't think of nothing to do himself, but he sure can take orders."
> 
> There was a clang of horseshoe on iron stake outside and a little cheer of voices.
> 
> Slim moved back slightly so the light was not on his face. "Funny how you an' him string along together." It was Slim's calm invitation to confidence.
> 
> "What's funny about it?" George demanded defensively.
> 
> "Oh, I dunno. Hardly none of the guys ever travel together. I hardly never seen two guys travel together. You know how the hands are, they just come in and get their bunk and work a month, and then they quit and go out alone. Never seem to give a damn about nobody. It jus' seems kinda funny a cuckoo like him and a smart little guy like you travelin' together."
> 
> "He ain't no cuckoo," said George. "He's dumb as hell, but he ain't crazy. An' I ain't so bright neither, or I wouldn't be buckin' barley for my fifty and found. If I was bright, if I was even a little bit smart, I'd have my own little place, an' I'd be bringin' in my own crops, 'stead of doin' all the work and not getting what comes up outa the ground."

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## CUT TO THE CHASE

Dialogue is very different than writing a conversation in that, you want to skip the pleasantries.

Notice, as soon as the men sat down, they started right into the conversation. Steinbeck could've easily started with something like:

    "Whoo-wee! That sure was some work!"
    
    "Sho nuff" said George."

Instead he started as if they had already been in mid conversation:

> "It wasn't nothing," said Slim. "I would of had to drowned most of 'em anyways. No need to thank me about that."
> 
> George said, "It wasn't much to you, maybe, but it was a hell of a lot to him. Jesus Christ, I don't know how we're gonna get him to sleep in here. He'll want to sleep right out in the barn with 'em. We'll have trouble keepin' him from getting right in the box with them pups."

Even without knowing the story, you were able to figure that they had just come from doing some...not so nice task. We jump right into the action without having to suffer through any unnecessary banter that would slow down pace and extend the reading experience.

-

## ADD DEPTH & REVEAL CHARACTER

The best kinds of dialogue are the ones that help readers get a deeper understanding of a character. It's about the things they choose to say and don't say.

> "It wasn't nothing," Slim repeated. "Say, you sure was right about him. Maybe he ain't bright, but I never seen such a worker. He damn near killed his partner buckin' barley. There ain't nobody can keep up with him. God awmighty, I never seen such a strong guy." George spoke proudly. "Jus' tell Lennie what to do an' he'll do it if it don't take no figuring. He can't think of nothing to do himself, but he sure can take orders."

Here, we get a sense that both men, Slim and George may not think to highly of Lennie intellectually, but they admire his work ethic. We learn that Lennie is a hard worker and also has a soft spot for animals.

We learn a bit more about George as well when we read:

> Slim moved back slightly so the light was not on his face. "Funny how you an' him string along together." It was Slim's calm invitation to confidence. "What's funny about it?" George demanded defensively. "Oh, I dunno..."It jus' seems kinda funny a cuckoo like him and a smart little guy like you travelin' together." "He ain't no cuckoo," said George. "He's dumb as hell, but he ain't crazy. An' I ain't so bright neither, or I wouldn't be buckin' barley for my fifty and found. If I was bright, if I was even a little bit smart, I'd have my own little place, an' I'd be bringin' in my own crops, 'stead of doin' all the work and not getting what comes up outa the ground."

Although, both guys agree that Lennie isn't the smartest tool in the shed, George gets defensive when Slim implies that Lennie was probably too dumb to keep as company. He is so quick to defend Lennie that he humbles/disparages himself to prove that he isn't that smarter than Lennie, revealing his true admiration and loyalty to him.

-

## USE REALISTIC CONVERSATION PATTERNS

When having a conversation, we usually busy cutting each off, hesitating as we think mid sentence and raise or lower our voices in frustration or excitement. Steinbeck does this well here in this conversation where George has to explain something to Lennie again.

Typically, you want to steer away from hatching out full plans. It can start to seem like a parody to say:

Okay, first we're going to do ABC. And then we're going to XY and Z. That is boring to read and no matter how exciting the plan, we'll fall asleep. The trick is to use the dialogue in a way that brings the attention to the characters. Who they are is far more important than what they plan on doing as in this example:

> 'I forgot,' Lennie said softly. 'I tried not to forget. Honest to God I did, George.'
> 
> 'O.K.—O.K. I’ll tell ya again. I ain’t got nothing to do. Might jus’ as well spen’ all my time tell’n you things and then you forget ‘em, and I tell you again.'
> 
> 'Tried and tried,' said Lennie, 'but it didn’t do no good. I remember about the rabbits, George.'
> 
> 'The hell with the rabbits. That’s all you ever can remember is them rabbits. O.K.! Now you listen and this time you got to remember so we don’t get in no trouble. You remember settin’ in that gutter on Howard street and watchin’ that blackboard?'
> 
> Lennies’s face broke into a delighted smile. 'Why sure, George, I remember that…but…what’d we do then? I remember some girls come by and you says…you say…'
> 
> 'The hell with what I says. You remember about us goin’ into Murray and Ready’s, and they give us work cards and bus tickets?'
> 
> 'Oh, sure, George, I remember that now.' His hands went quickly into his side coat pockets. He said gently, 'George…I ain’t got mine. I musta lost it.' He looked down at the ground in despair.
> 
> 'You never had none, you crazy bastard. I got both of ‘em here. Think I’d let you carry your own work card?'
> 
> Lennie grinned with relief.

Lennie is still his forgetful, slow self and George as usual, is willing to go through the process of repeating things for him, making sure he understands the importance of remembering so that they don't get in trouble.

**Notice how George cuts him off**

> Lennies’s face broke into a delighted smile. 'Why sure, George, I remember that…but…what’d we do then? I remember some girls come by and you says…you say…'
> 
> 'The hell with what I says. You remember about us goin’ into Murray and Ready’s, and they give us work cards and bus tickets?'

**George raises his voice, we get a sense of his frustation**

> 'The hell with the rabbits. That’s all you ever can remember is them rabbits. O.K.! Now you listen and this time you got to remember so we don’t get in no trouble. You remember settin’ in that gutter on Howard street and watchin’ that blackboard?'

-

## ACTION

In that same passage, we're not being pummeled with just words. Things are happening:

> ...Lennies’s face broke into a delighted smile...
> 
> ...'Oh, sure, George, I remember that now.' His hands went quickly into his side coat pockets. He said gently, 'George…I ain’t got mine. I musta lost it.' He looked down at the ground in despair...

Steinbeck breaks up what could be long boring dialogue with action and descriptions. Being able to visualize Lennie smile while George is trying to get him to remember vital pieces of information makes us feel for him. Digging in his pockets looking for something that isn't there. All these visual cues help the words pop up from the page and creates dynamic dialogue.

* * *

# SUMMARY: Quick Tips

* * *

1. **Cut to the chase.** Try not to start at the beginning, but bring us in at a critical point in the conversation, early enough to fill us, but far enough so that's interesting.

2. **Pepper in depth and character** by adding dialogue that brings us into the character's true feelings. 

3. **Follow Realistic Speech Patterns:** find the breaks in the conversation where either those involved will naturally or even unneccessarily cut each other off, get excited, frustrated, angry.

4. **Action** : Tell us what they're doing as they speak, smiling, crying, eating, dozing off? Get descriptive about the action.

Original score: 7