Describing something that doesn't exist [closed]
Closed by System on Apr 25, 2018 at 16:25
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I'm in the middle of my first draft for my novel, and I can't seem to properly convey to my audience the image I'm trying to describe.
That's what I want to show my readers, but it's coming across all wrong, like, I'll say that it's sleek. But a lot of cars are sleek. I'll say it's silver, but that's too broad as well. Then I'll say that the wheels are circles.
Do you see my problem?
I'm way too vague for this "show don't tell" bit of writing, and it's giving me a hard time.
Can anybody help me find a way to describe something without naming it?
I'd say it's a glass egg on its side, in a form-fitting metal cage, where you sit reclined and can look out the top. Bu …
6y ago
The thing with an imaginary object is this: people aren't going to see the exact same thing as you see in your mind, no …
6y ago
In this case, think in terms of the process a draw-er would use to draw that concept. They would start with an oval, li …
6y ago
It looks like a fish bowl had a baby with a bike helmet. Images, not adjectives, are what you need to describe something …
6y ago
Only describe the important stuff that will play a role later and gloss over everything else with very broad description …
6y ago
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In this case, think in terms of the process a draw-er would use to draw that concept.
They would start with an oval, like an egg.
"It was like an egg."
In this case, it is longer than an actual egg.
"If that egg had been smushed on the top so that it spread sleekly and smoothly at each end."
They would add lines and curves to define the wheel wells and windows.
"Of course, most eggs don't come with windows. And these were beauts. Odd angles, sloping, begging for speed."
Then add a little flair at the end.
"And most eggs aren't polished, either, to such an extent that seemed to come from another world."
First draft (I usually need four before I'm happy with something.Take it or leave it.):
It was like a silver egg, if that egg had been smushed on the top so that it spread sleekly from each end. Of course, most eggs don't come with windows. And these were beauts. Odd angles, sloping, begging for speed. And most eggs aren't polished either, to such an extent that it seemed to come from another world.
I think the key thing in this suggestion is to start with a known object that is not a car, so that the reader approaches it ignorant of 'car.'
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/35470. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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The thing with an imaginary object is this: people aren't going to see the exact same thing as you see in your mind, no matter how many words you pour on it. Each reader is going to imagine what you describe in a slightly different way.
For example, Tolkien describes hobbits in quite some detail. Yet here, here, here and here are four very different images of the same Bilbo Baggins.
With that in mind, how important is it that your reader imagines this particular car you have in mind, and not anything that's somewhat similar, but also different? How important is it that what you describe be distinct from anything else that might spring to mind when one reads "sleek silver hover-car"?
What details are important to the story you're telling? That it's a cool vehicle? That it's futuristic? Is it a one-of-a-kind, or is it an advanced model of something pretty common in the world you're describing? Focus on what would convey enough of a feeling of what you consider important. If the vehicle is exciting to your characters, that is conveyed by giving some details about it. The exact details are less important than the overall feeling they convey.
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I'd say it's a glass egg on its side, in a form-fitting metal cage, where you sit reclined and can look out the top.
But, yeah, focus on what you need, and remove what you don't.
If you really want to set the picture, use it for the cover, or actually add pictures into your story.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/35483. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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Only describe the important stuff that will play a role later and gloss over everything else with very broad descriptions - readers prefer their own mental image if it's not relevant for the story.
It's enough to use terms and phrases such as "futuristic", "very sleek" and "complete glass hood" to give the reader a broad sense of what it looks like. They wil have some idea of what these terms mean and will create their own mental image.
If an aspect is important for the story you need to describe it in greater detail, but again only as far as you need to. For example if the glass hood is important because information for the OP will be displayed on it while driving then you mention how the "glass hood" is equipped with some "hologram device" that projects the wanted information directly into the view of the driver. That's enough again. No need to describe those little hexagons you can see or how chassis is formed or where exactly the light is - it's just not that important and while it might enhance a readers immersion it's important to focus on the important stuff and trust that your readers will be able to develop their own mental images of what you are describing.
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It looks like a fish bowl had a baby with a bike helmet. Images, not adjectives, are what you need to describe something that does not look like anything conventional. You won't get close to the details -- words are not good at imparting physical details, they are good at recalling images that the reader already has in mind. The best you can hope for is to get an general impression by juxtaposing images that the reader is already familiar with.
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