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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/36384
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I'm going to assume the passage is written in the perspective of a character, rather than in the point of view of an omniscient narrator.

The two primary uses of dialogue are to:

1. Advance the story, often by supplementing or contrasting with what the reader knows, thereby building tension.
2. Provide occasional levity, often in the form of a quip, or radical deviation from what would be expected.

I don't find that attempts at levity often lead to excessive dialogue, so I'll focus on #1.

The perspective character's observations and thoughts should be emphasized. His speech should generally be concise, because elaboration can be provided outside of the dialogue with more color. Often the perspective character's speech reveals no new information to the reader, but conveys to the reader the extent to which the perspective character is forthcoming with the other characters. What isn't said can convey every bit as much information as what is said by the perspective character.

The speech of non-perspective characters often reveals new information to the reader. The implications of the new information can be conveyed with more elaboration in the thoughts of the perspective character.

A common pattern might be:

1. Antagonist talks.
2. Hero contemplates.
3. Hero talks, and speech contrasts with thoughts.

> "I would be happy to look after your interests while you are away," offered Villain.
> 
> Heroine suppressed a mix of surprise and shame. She should have expected Villain to know of her summons to the capital. He had purchased abundant influence since assuming control of the family estate, following the convenient deaths of his two older brothers.
> 
> "I gladly accept your kind offer, though I feel unworthy of such generosity," Heroine replied. "Let us discuss the matter tonight over wine."

Original score: 5