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Q&A

How to refer to character of focus in a story

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I find that when I write, I'm not always sure how to refer to the character of focus. You can only say "he/she" so many times before it feels choppy and repetitive. Constantly referring to character by name feels unnatural. I've tried using the profession of the character as well, but sometimes that just feels wordy if it is unusual (say if the character were a taxidermist).

Even with all the different ways to define the character you are describing action for, is there any methodology for choosing which particular reference to that character you use as the passage progresses?

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This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/2520. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.

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It does feel weird when you're writing, but you don't notice it when you're reading. Use the name the first time in a paragraph and the pronoun thereafter.

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I probably use attribution other than he/she about 10% of the time, I intentionally try to write without it, and upon re-reading I look to see if anything I wrote is ambiguous, if a reader following along would not be sure which character said something, did something, etc.

Also, attributions need not be he or she, and can be implied: If the Jill the detective is in a room with a prison guard and trying to get Jack to plead guilty:

Jack shook his head, once. "Bullshit. No way."

"You're not going to get a better deal, the more we find the worse it gets."

"No way. Nada."

Jill stood to leave, and spoke with resignation to the guard. "Put him back in his cage."

"Wait wait wait. I can't do five, I can't! I can do two."

I suspect you are trying to help the reader too much; if they are immersed in your story, they expect a very short list of characters to respond; usually with a clear favorite. If that IS who speaks next, you don't need an attribution; OR the speech itself lets them know who spoke. The last line above: If I had written "Yes Ma'am," only the guard would say that, and since she just spoke to him, that is what the reader expects. But the guard's first word would never be "Wait", and it is plausible Jack interrupts and the first word tells us it is him: This is clearly Jack; the guard would never say this, and Jill would never say this.

The second, third, and fifth lines require no attribution. Neither did the fourth; but we need to describe action, and it is plausible Jack could stand up to leave, so we have to attribute it to Jill to be clear.

Read some professional writers without getting immersed in their story, just look at the mechanics of how Stephen King or some other best selling author uses attributions. They use "He said" and "She said", "Jack said" and "Jill said" quite liberally. Readers are not usually noticing this. But not on every sentence: If the interaction shows who is talking, it isn't needed. The only time it is needed is when you violate those expectations. In a two person conversation, lines alternate most of the time, but sometimes they don't, so an attribution is needed.

Karen pushed Fred into the closet, stepped in and shut the door, then leaned against it. "Kiss me."

"Or don't."

This second line sounds to the reader like FRED talking, and is confusing. Properly attributed;

Karen pushed Fred into the closet, stepped in and shut the door, then leaned against it. "Kiss me."

Fred turned, looking pained and apologetic.

Karen folded her arms and looked to the floor, nodding her head. "Or don't."

"I am so sorry."

Now we see, Karen spoke twice, then Fred spoke.

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