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Q&A Is writing big facts about a character's background good when first introducing them?

This feels like a classic example of telling rather than showing. Think about it. In both of your examples, the narrator is telling things to the reader. There's no real story going on there; it's...

posted 6y ago by Canina‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

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#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-11T18:55:50Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/37414
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T09:17:58Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/37414
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T09:17:58Z (over 4 years ago)
This feels like a classic example of telling rather than showing.

Think about it. In both of your examples, the narrator is telling things to the reader. There's no real story going on there; it's just facts. The only actual story is that Nick is chopping wood. You aren't even showing us how the wood ends up on that great pile, if indeed it does. Maybe that's where he's taking it from, and chopping it into smaller pieces?

If the facts that are being introduced don't matter to the story, then you should really consider whether they belong in the story at all. (Setting a scene can be a valid use of introduction of "unnecessary" elements, but you should be careful to not overdo it. _Chekhov's gun_ and all that.) And even if they do belong, you should consider whether they belong right where you're introducing them, as opposed to somewhere else.

So we're being told by the narrator, for example, that Nick's parents are both dead. But does it really have to be the narrator that tells us this? Why can't Nick do it himself? If the narrator tells us, then who knows about it in-universe? Does the fact that Nick's parents are both dead even matter to the story you're telling? For example, why can't someone ask Nick about his parents, and Nick can tell this someone that they are both dead, how they died, and when, to a reasonable level of detail given the setting in that moment? That way, you can weave this into the story in a way that shapes the rest of the story for the character that asked that question. If it's somehow a secret of Nick's, you could weave it into the story by way of his ambivalence whenever the subject of his parents comes up, for example.

Similarly, we're being told by the narrator that Millie is 12 years old. (You're also thinking in terms of a market economy, not a household economy, but let's not go there too much.) But surely this isn't the first time the reader finds out about Millie? Surely she has time to bring up her upcoming thirteenth birthday at some point, for example. Or the way in which some other character interacts with her highlights her young age, or lack of physical strength and endurance, or whichever. You can focus on the effects of her young age, rather than simply telling the reader that she is young.

"Show, don't tell" is a good rule of thumb in writing. Like all rules of thumb, it can be broken; but if you're breaking it and the result feels "off" somehow, then you're probably doing it wrong. At that point, going back to the rule of thumb is often a good idea; it's standard advice for a reason...

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2018-07-03T19:55:07Z (almost 6 years ago)
Original score: 5