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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/37417
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/37417
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

As the others have said; you are doing too much telling. As a rule of thumb; don't impart information about the character or environment if it is something they would not be thinking about at the time, or would not be affecting them at the time.

Try to relate such reveals to character interactions or thoughts that make sense in the context of what the character is doing, or who they interact with. Nick can pause to throw would on the stack, and despite its height consider it inadequate, even project how much he will finish by the end of the day and consider that inadequate, something for which he may be judged harshly if he didn't hurry up. Get inside Nick's head.

**Don't tell us his history.** Beginning writers do this because they think it will inform the reader of Nick's character. But this is indirect and very unreliable. Does Nick not mind that his parents died? Does it make him sad, or is he as neutral about that as the author seems; just "that happens." Did he love his father? Hate his father?

How does Nick being an orphan affect his attitude and character?

Does Nick _want_ to be the lumberjack, or hate the idea, or like his parent's death, is he neutral on that subject?

Telling instead of showing is a shortcut; showing things requires far more words. If you are going to open with Nick, open up Nick to us. Imparting these facts does not work like you think it will (you must think it will or you wouldn't write it); readers skip over these laundry lists of facts and forget them. They will not do the work of trying to imagine how these events or this culture have affected Nick. They just won't. They want you to show them that, not by citing facts, but through Nick's thoughts, feelings, and interactions with other people.

The same for all the rest of your world building exposition, just don't do it. Do not rely on readers to care about social arrangement _until they mean something to Nick_. That implies a conflict; somebody wants him to leave the lumberyard and he has to explain he won't, it would mean abandoning his career of chopping wood.

What you are doing is called an info-dump. The reason this doesn't work is because facts are boring if they are not tied into a conflict; and you are asking the reader to memorize a lot of information you might use later. It is too much to ask. If you want readers to learn about your world, they have to do it through a character they care about; and not a character reciting dry facts but a character in some sort of struggle, even if it is a minor verbal argument with somebody they love.

A line like, "Well you feel free to go tell King Alfred that. I'll expect your head back here in a bucket, John, and that will sadden me greatly."

Then the reader gets it; King Alfred is in charge, and though this may be an exaggeration, you don't cross him. Nick is at least cautious dealing with King Alfred. And, you conveyed this as a conversational retort in a verbal argument, the conflict sustains the world building effort. You don't _tell_ the reader Alfred can be ruthless, Nick reveals that as part of an emotional response to John, which also builds the character of Nick, and to an extent John.

The lack of conflict in this scene is also a problem for an opening scene. Not that it should be a fight scene, but Nick should be doing something besides routine work; he should be in conflict, too, solving some everyday problem.

See my answer to the question, [How To Open A Novel.](https://writing.stackexchange.com/a/35816/26047)

Original score: 2