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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/37530
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/37530
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I don't think there is anything wrong with your vocabulary; if YOU are worried about it, I'd suggest you consult an online thesaurus at times. Here is one I use, it's [fine](https://www.powerthesaurus.org/fine/synonyms) and extremely extensive (2656 suggested synonyms for "fine"); so consult a dictionary or other source to fine tune the word you want.

Or better yet, use [this resource](https://www.etymonline.com/word/fine) to research the origin of the word (aka "etymology"). How it came to BE a word will often give you a good idea of how it should be used.

In general, many books are written in "plain" language, and that is all it takes.

### When does such a style get too simplistic for the average reader's taste?

The only time this gets in the way is if there is a really obvious (to most native speakers) a better word to use, then the author can seem amateurish. For example,

> In a trial Josh was found guilty of shoplifting

versus

> Josh was convicted of shoplifting

Such substitutions are less easy to find, but with the power thesaurus, "convicted" is on the first page of synonyms for "guilty", so it can help in that sense. But your writing does not seem to suffer from a lack of exposure to common English.

### How much more polishing does it need to get close to being of a publishable standard?

From a vocabulary standpoint, none. Save two instances: (1) "It _plagued_ me" struck me as a wrong word choice, I'd actually prefer a simpler word like "bothered" or irritated or irked. (2) "Period." In English as a word in a sentence by itself, this connotation is "I won't discuss this further." To avoid that and indicate menstruation, it would be "My period." Even with your prior description.

Other issues make this fall short of publishable; and though I understand it is a first draft, I will point them out for future drafts:

You have an issue with pronoun agreement (The final "It was pathetic" is confusing when "it" has been used repeatedly to refer to "classic villages" in a positive tone (and for those references, "it" should have been "they").

You are in several places going over the top with multiple adjectives. "a mere fraction of a second" is too much. Pick an adjective, the perfect adjective, and don't make everything so extreme.

Not _everything_ needs an adjective.

"instinctively called"  
"concernedly rushed"  
"kindly asked"  
"simply went back"  
"sad fact"  
 "woefully defective"

There is a maxim we use for people writing advertisements: If you emphasize everything, you have emphasized nothing.

If every tenth word in your sales letter is **bolded,** underlined, _italicized_, has a box drawn around it and a star-burst next to it, readers will just ignore all that. If you have ONE phrase in the letter set off in a box, that will be read by most readers.

A similar rule applies to adjectives in fiction. If you use them everywhere, they just start to be irritating!

Don't worry too much about building a fancy vocabulary. Do worry about word choice, though.

Original score: 15