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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/38099
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/38099
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

You are providing too much detail, and it is confusing, and therefore boring the reader. What you need to do is write the take-away consequences of these exchanges, forget the verbatim of what either Dr. Zhang or Richard say.

Imagine you are told the above in a meeting. Now, an hour later, in the break room, you see Julie:

> Julie looked up from her laptop as I entered the room. "Hey Fred, I missed the staff meeting. What happened?"
> 
> I stepped to the coffee pots to fill my cup. "Zhang says we're getting five more servers. More gamers, better graphics. And Richard was on about game play design and implementation, but nothing you don't know already."
> 
> "I guess you and Kathryn will be happy with more power behind graphics."
> 
> I stirred cream into my coffee, and looked at her. "Can't hurt. Honestly I never think about that end, I just work on the art components with Kathryn, then somehow it ends up in the game."
> 
> "Sure. Did he talk about the release schedule?"
> 
> "No, does he ever? Richard would know. I'm going back to my hole."
> 
> "Alright, thanks," Julie said, and returned to her laptop as I left.

Generally, if you relate information from a meeting or something that has little conflict or argument; it should be relevant to the story and plot. Either that, or just relate an impression of the meeting, room or characters to make it plausible.

If this meeting serves no purpose in the plot, it should be deleted entirely, and in it I don't see much to hang a plot point on. New servers and installation as a route toward infiltration of the company perhaps? Are you trying to build characters here? Those tasks are better done in conversational dialogue.

If you are just including the meeting because IRL such meetings happen, gloss it, perhaps with an emotional response, to add a sprinkle of conflict. (Or ignore real-life and let those in the know assume meetings happen off stage).

> A popup on his screen reminded him of the staff meeting in five minutes. Fred dismissed it and reluctantly saved his work, then rose to make his way to the conference room. _Time to waste an hour. How am I supposed to get anything done here? Kathryn's gonna kill me._

If the introduction of five new servers or the changes in game play are not important to the story, they should be left out, but I am presuming the information in this meeting is crucial to the story. In that case, find a way to present it without speechifying, some way in which your POV character is _involved_ and not _passive_. A conversation, their mental impressions, etc.

In conversations, keep some amount of tension, even if slight. If the conversation is not a "big one" leading toward some change, like this one with Julie and Fred, then keep a small amount of tension by leaning toward minor disagreement of the "that's not quite right" variety, as I did here.

Original score: 4