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"Intellectual" often means a labyrinth of language. (Try reading any doctoral dissertation.) Try this instead: “The universe changes gradually, from one condition to another, without any abru...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T01:33:41Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/2621 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
"Intellectual" often means a labyrinth of language. (Try reading any doctoral dissertation.) Try this instead: > “The universe changes gradually, from one condition to another, without any abrupt changes.” Same concept, same meaning, but more fun to read. If you want poetic imagery, you could use something specific that nails down the same concept. I think your original text, while hardly difficult, is needlessly complex, almost as if it were trying to sound sophisticated by using big words. Using simpler language can fool a reader into reading something. By the time they realize the concepts are complex and (hopefully) interesting, they're hooked. Just because you're using simpler words doesn't make the concepts themselves simple.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2011-04-26T05:31:55Z (over 13 years ago)
Original score: 11