Sensitivity with disorders/mental illnesses
The novel is overall very distressing and supposed to elicit emotion from the readers, it's practically dependent on it. A few of the characters in my novel will contain depressed and suicidal thoughts. I want to be able to explain and show that without continuously saying they wished they were dead. The characters live in an apocalyptic-type area, meaning there aren't many doctors and such around. How do I deal with the characters illnesses in the novel to ensure it's realistic? I don't want to be too harsh on the characters as people reading may be triggered by some events, but I also need it to be fairly emotional and for readers to feel a connection with them.
This question is a little all over the place, I was in a rush.
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My advice is to provide rough therapy in the book. Accompany your suicidal character with a counterweight character. This does not have to be somebody that loves them, nor does it have to be a main character.
The circumstances in this post-apocalyptic world are up to you, engineer them so that somebody depends upon your character, or the group depends upon your character.
Your character does not have to EVER say they are suicidal. Let your counterweight do that. My approach would be that the counterweight is not Pollyanna. He tells the character "I know what you are thinking," accepts his depression. But then is straight with him, and answers his internal question of "why go on" directly: We need you to save these kids. And while you have lost everything you had, and so have I, that is something to cry about, but it isn't something to sacrifice these other kids for. And that is what you will do if you off yourself.
Of course this is not going to lift the depression of your character instantly, realistically they would likely respond "It isn't that easy, go screw yourself, leave me alone," but as the author you can let this idea germinate in their mind. Make an equivalence with the child they lost with an orphan the group has adopted. Your suicidal character still has suicidal thoughts, but they get turned away by this idea of responsibility: What's the point? Other people and children, that's the point, that has always been the point of living.
Now I am not saying in real life all depression is so easily cured! I am saying if your character has lost purpose, it is plausible they can gain a new purpose, especially in a post-apocalyptic setting where every day presents plenty of work and opportunities for heroism that really matter to others, and in particular, to children. As the author you get to decide the character arc, so you can make this work.
Then, as for anybody that identifies with this character, you haven't shown them that suicide ends your character's problems, but that he found new purpose in helping others. Even if he dies, let him die with meaning, sacrificing his life to save a child, perhaps.
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My answer for this is my answer to any question about portraying an illness or trauma: talk to people who are suffering from it.
People with depression and/or suicidal ideation may not always be willing to discuss it, but if they are, they can help you write your characters in a way that's both realistic and won't be upsetting to them. For an example of what not to do, I know a lot of people who were quite upset by the graphic suicide scene in 13 Reasons Why.
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If you succeed in eliciting strong emotions in your readers, you've done good. If you make your readers cry, bite their nails to the quick, put the book down in fear only to pick it up five minutes later - that's a success. Don't be afraid of strong emotions. Neil Gaiman, in the introduction to his short story collection Trigger Warning, writes
There are things that upset us. That's not quite what we're talking about here, though. I'm thinking rather about those images or words or ideas that drop like trapdoors beneath us, throwing us out of our safe, sane world into a place much more dark and less welcoming. Our hearts skip a ratatat drumbeat in our chests, and we fight for breath. Blood retreats from our faces and fingers, leaving us pale and gasping and shocked.
[...]
There are still things that profoundly upset me when I encounter them, whether it's on the Web or the word or in the world. They never get easier, never stop my heart from trip-trapping, never let me escape, this time, unscathed. But they teach me things, and they open my eyes, and if they hurt, they hurt in ways that make me think and grow and change.
So, don't hesitate to provide your readers an opportunity to learn and grow.
So how do you do that, when your subject is mental illness? Don't tone it down, don't soften it so it's not too shocking. Explore it, touch the places where it hurts. At the same time, don't turn pain into a spectacle. Your goal is not providing the reader some visceral thrills.
Know your subject, study as much as you can. A person suffering from depression and contemplating suicide isn't necessarily constantly sad and apathetic. A person might be aware of the problem, and actively trying to find something to live for. Or some worthy goal to die for; I disagree with @Amadeus about letting your depressed character die "for something". I feel it gives the impression that this character's life is somehow cheaper, because "he wanted to die anyway". That's not a good message.
"I wish I were dead" is, like you say, too "in your face", too obvious. In fact, it is something that a person who actually contemplates suicide is less likely to say: at one stage, it gives a concrete, frightening shape to half-formed thoughts; at a later stage, there's the fear of being discovered before the plans can be realised. A more likely statement would be along the lines of "why bother", "what's the point" - statements that reflect despair of any possibility for future change.
Or, alternatively, there might be an increased attempt to fill the void - spending time with family and friends, doing fun stuff, planning fun stuff for the future, avoidance of being alone - actively trying to escape despair's claws.
Depression is diverse. If you want to do a realistic depiction, study it. Talk to people, talk to a psychologist, find actual stories on the internet. Here are some useful notes, to start you off on your study (tv tropes warning) Don't hesitate to be hard on the character - follow the setup you make to its logical conclusion, whatever it is. Otherwise, you're not being honest, you're shying away from the subject.
One common trope you want to avoid is having one profound conversation or rousing speech completely turns your character's outlook around, cures his depression, etc. That doesn't happen, and the perpetuation of this trope creates unrealistic expectations in real life.
Also, do no forget there are situations when the average sane person would consider death as preferable to the alternatives. In such cases, suicidal thoughts are not a sign of a disorder at all. An example would be a POW tortured for information, and afraid of the consequences of being broken. Viktor Frankl, a psychiatrist and holocaust survivor says
Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.
It follows that the less why you give your character, the more reasonable their despair becomes.
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