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From the way you're telling it, I'd point my fingers against the time-skips. Apart from the necessary time-skip when the MC is unconscious (and you could fill it up with descriptions, dreams or may...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T11:56:48Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/39519 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T09:59:33Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/39519 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
From the way you're telling it, I'd point my fingers against the time-skips. Apart from the necessary time-skip when the MC is unconscious (and you could fill it up with descriptions, dreams or maybe far-off memories) any other time skip is essentialy reducing word count, making the story seem shorter, and make the two traumatic events closer together. What that person meant with " **escalated too fast for me to comprehend**" is that your reader doens't have the time to deal with the MC falling unconscious before the car crash. The first chapter is often used to introduce the characters and the setting to the reader; you have to do this while dealing with two sudden incidents. My suggestion is actually write something in those time skips. For example, about the MC falling uncoscious: > Alice felt her body grow heavy and her knees bend. She heard the low thud of an heavy object hitting the carpet of her boss office - part of her mind realized it was the sound made by her own body, falling. But her mind was distant, blank, and her vision blurred to darkness. > > She dreamt of being in a back in fifth grade, her sudden sleep only somewhat troubled by excited voices around her, and then silence \<_whatever you'd like to insert here_\> when she wok up, she was surrounded by white hospital walls. The same can be done for other time skips, too. When she wakes, the reader will expect some space to breathe. Show her talking to her boss and make the situation between the two straight. If she gets dismissed from the hospital, describe the whole scene. Throw in a dialogue or two with doctors and nurses. I know those things can be boring to write, since they are not the focus of the story, but they add realism and they will make your reader acclimate. Remember, you want to avoid the feeling that your story may seem like a check-list of events. You can absolutely deal with both the car crash and the fainting in two chapters, you just have to be smoother on the edges.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2018-10-19T07:59:14Z (about 6 years ago)
Original score: 5