Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/39552
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

It can work. It sounds like you want to avoid the ‘meanwhile back at the ranch’ problem.

We are all different, but I would this handle by staying with the captive as long as possible, but while she is shivering to try and stay warm, exhaustion overtakes her and she sleeps. We don’t expect the author to have us watch her sleep or maybe even shiver. While she sleeps, you can segue back to the others.

> Laurie sat in the corner of the dank room, basement probably. No light source she could see other than that bulb, but it was out of reach. Scratching at the door had been a waste of time, not wooden like she thought, but steel. She rubbed her arms, trying to keep warm. Why had she left her coat behind? She could sleep on it now, at least stay warm. Sleep? Dangerous thought. Must stay awake, figure it out.
> 
> They would be coming to check on her, must keep track of time. How long was she unconscious? No idea how long she’d been gone. Had anyone even noticed? Can’t depend on others, need to get yourself out of this. The others are probably just waiting for her to return, never go looking for her. Her eyelids drooped and she started awake. Must be alert to danger.
> 
> Her strength taxed by the exertions of the previous day, the stress and fear of being taken, she gradually lost her battle with sleep.
> 
> Her friends had noticed, not immediately, of course. George had gone looking for her, raising the alarm when he could find no trace of her. Well, not no trace. He had become alarmed when he saw the broken branches near where her footprints ended. He had brought the others to see the branches, Frank thought it meant nothing, but Lou knew better. Signs of struggle.
> 
> “We know she’s still alive - no blood. We must work on that assumption.”
> 
> “Right, now we just have to figure which direction they went and hope they didn’t get in a car.”
> 
> “Thanks for the optimism, Frankie, the nearest road is miles from here.”
> 
> “The nearest one on the map, but there are logging roads that no one maps.”
> 
> Lou, determined to make progress, said, “According to this map, there are some hunting camps nearby. We should check for smoke, it is getting cold and no kidnapper is going to sit in the cold if he doesn’t have to. Agreed?”

Original score: 1