Is it okay to use a lot of exclamation marks?
I've noticed that I use a lot of exclamation marks when my characters are talking. They appear a lot in action scenes.
Is there any rule of thumb when using exclamation marks?
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There is no "rule of thumb". There may be some rules, but in most cases it comes down to taste.
What I want to add to other answers is that if English is not your first language, you should probably use less exclamation marks than you want. English is one of the most restrained languages with understatement being the norm. Where other yell, Englishmen hardly raise the voice. (Don't argue! This is true!!!) Consequently, you'll see fewer exclamation marks in a typical English text.
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This is the kind of question that can be answered by looking at books you admire. Find the most exciting, vivid novel you can, and see how many exclamation points the author uses. Not very many, I suspect. Then, without copying the author's words, try to learn from what they did to create the vividness that you experience.
I recognize that this is the kind of answer that can be applied to lots of questions on this site, so I hope it's not inappropriate. But sometimes a real example of writing that works is more reliable than any piece of advice.
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I've been told, by professional teachers of creative writing no less, that the correct number of exclamation marks to use in any finished piece of writing is zero; I've also read the works of Terry Pratchett and know that this is not necessarily the case. In many ways it depends more on the target audience and/or the tone of the piece than there actually being any hard and fast rule.
In serious literary fiction they shouldn't be used; rather the exclamation should be given in a character's actions and your description of their demeanor and body language. For less serious pieces, and for pieces written to be read aloud, more punctuation and less description can be useful in getting the story, and in particular the dialogue, to flow naturally.
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It would be helpful if you could provide a sample of your writing. It is a bit hard to judge whether you're using too many exclamation marks, if we can't see how many you're using. :)
As a general rule, your characters wouldn't be exclaiming all the time, would they? That's not how people talk in real life. Exclamation marks should be used sparingly, like raising your voice - if you're doing it all the time, the intention of extra emphasis becomes diluted, and only the annoyance remains.
But, you might well ask, tone doesn't transfer seamlessly into writing. For example, "thanks." sounds ungrateful, bland, compared to "thanks!". To address that, as a writer, you have words at your disposal. Instead of having a character say "thanks!!!", he can say "thank you so very much. This truly means a lot to me." Instead of emphasising with punctuation, you can emphasise with words.
There is an exception, and that, as you mention yourself, is action scenes. An officer's order is "Fire!" A comrade's warning is "Get down!" A cry for help is "Medic!" All warrant the extra emphasis, as all demand immediate action. In a tense combat scene, there's no time to be wordy - things need to be said fast, and they need to draw that extra attention. In such a situation, it makes sense that many exclamation marks would be used, just as it would have made sense to be shouting those words.
Read your work again, consider whether in the situation you are describing, an alternative way of adding emphasis can be used. If not, it must be that the exclamation mark is the right tool to use.
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