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Re this specific piece of writing: like Standback, it didn't grab me either — it's not long enough. I didn't feel like I was being drawn into a setting, or a mystery. It's too brief and the protago...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T11:59:57Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/2868 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T01:37:01Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/2868 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Re this specific piece of writing: like Standback, it didn't grab me either — it's not long enough. I didn't feel like I was being drawn into a setting, or a mystery. It's too brief and the protagonist is too comfortable. If you're looking for any kind of tension, saying your protagonist is "at peace" is a fast way to kill it. Also, curiosity comes from tension — the tension of wanting to know what's on the other side of that hill over there, and not knowing. If he's relaxed and at peace, why would he have any interest in knowing what's on the other side of the mountains? I suggest longer, weirder, and yes, have him wake up in his own bed. The garbage truck can still rumble by his house and wake him up.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2011-05-20T11:45:31Z (almost 13 years ago)
Original score: 3