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Q&A The problem of the throwaway boyfriend

The main character has to relinquish his old life. His boyfriend is just one part of that. What else is the MC giving up? His friends His family (they will stay his family but he can't see th...

posted 5y ago by Cyn‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-20T00:40:34Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/40941
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T10:25:56Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/40941
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T10:25:56Z (over 4 years ago)
 **The main character has to relinquish his old life. His boyfriend is just one part of that.**

What else is the MC giving up?

- His friends
- His family (they will stay his family but he can't see them or contact them very often)
- His Sunday morning routine (crossword puzzles and walking to the corner bakery sounds trivial but losing it can totally shake someone up)
- His favorite library with the comfy chair
- Volunteer work
- His old job

And so on.

Losing someone who he probably assumed he would marry and grow old with is major. But the rest is all part of losing a life. The totality of what he gave up to take this new job (whether a long hoped for dream or a conscription) is going to hit him like a ton of bricks. The breakup might be the obvious representation of that but it's far from the entirety of his loss.

As he lets go of his old life, he may try desperately to cling to the bits of it that he can. His boyfriend senses this and maybe he clings harder, maybe he pulls away faster. Or the MC may resent the parts of his old life that are keeping him from fully immersing into the new (no matter how badly he wants to have both).

If you show the conflict with the relationship as part of a larger issue, then the reader won't get impatient or overly invested. It's about the MC growing and changing. By including the relationship at all you're showing us who the MC is. He's someone who commits, who cares about people and tries not to hurt them. But he's also a realist and knows when it's time to move on, in large part so he can honor his new commitment.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2018-12-31T18:45:45Z (about 5 years ago)
Original score: 5