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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/41389
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Study how real cultures have done similar things. Consider how ritualistic warfare worked in many tribal societies in the real world. Many tribal cultures and even a few urban cultures all over the world fought their wars as almost a kind of rugby match. Lots of posturing, but very little actual lethal violence.

Native Americans in the Great Plains and in the Pacific Northwest had the concept of "counting coup", in which the warriors would try to touch their opponent, then escape.

Ancient Greek city-states had frequent wars, but these were almost scheduled. They would go to the same areas at the same time of year, line up in phalanxes, and shove each other for a few hours until one side tired out and broke rank. Yes, they had sharp weapons, but casualty rates were usually very low.

The key point in all of these is that while killing is a possibility, it's not a goal. The goal is to prove one's superiority, not to kill the opposition. So your aliens should be totally willing, almost eager to fight, but very unwilling to kill. Combatants who kill "needlessly" will face social consequences; shunning, missed opportunities due to poor reputation. To make sure these aliens don't come across as savage, make them require a great deal of provocation to kill, even greater than us. Perhaps being assaulted with a possibly deadly weapon is not enough provocation. Maybe they only kill if their opponent continues being violent even after they have conceded defeat.

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