Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/2951
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Given your paragraph description, I have to admit to being somewhat unconvinced along a few points.

1. You set up a direct connection between the regime's oppressive control of its citizens and a lack of purpose, but I think you need to nuance that connection more closely. The currently much-analyzed phenomenon of the [quarterlife crisis](http://www.eyeweekly.com/article/55882) among middle and upper-middle class American 20-somethings and all the talk of [emerging adulthood](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/22/magazine/22Adulthood-t.html) surrounding the same group provides a strong argument that an undirected, unconstrained ability to choose _anything_ actually leads to a lack of purpose. Some amount of constraints - in the form of societal expectations or religious beliefs, for example - can be essential for some in finding purpose. Your initial notes for world-building included the idea that your protagonist is "overwhelmed by so much freedom causes him to lose his mind." That idea is different than what your paragraph conveys, and I think you need to nuance the final product to include an interplay between the two ideas.

2. In other dystopian works in which totalitarian regimes control the day, the hero(ine) often finds his or her sense of purpose in opposing that regime. Because that is the literary expectation set up by books such as Fahrenheit 451 and Brave New World you may need to work on providing a convincing reason for Salim's apathy. Is it a weakness of character (something that can be written to make him extremely easy to empathize with)? Is it the sheer brutality of the regime? Is it the lack of any peers who will stand with him? Why won't he fight his situation, which fight would actually provide the sense of purpose he craves? This central tension here is what makes the story potentially extremely fascinating, but so far I haven't seen how you'll tease it out.

3. Many thinkers, from the authors of the Jewish Bible (see [this part of the book of Joshua](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Joshua%2024:14-15&version=ESV) and [this section of Psalms](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+2:10-12&version=ESV)) to those of the Christian New Testament (see [this section in the book of Matthew](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2016:24-27&version=ESV)) to modern writers such as [David Brooks](http://pulseperspectives.wordpress.com/2011/06/01/nyt-david-brooks-on-commencement-addresses-following-your-dreams-and-the-beauty-of-hard-tasks-2/) and even some advice columnists point out often that the best way to find a sense of purpose is not within in expressing one's own creativity but to look outside. People tend to feel better when doing things for others, when they feel like they are serving gladly. What keeps Salim from finding purpose in doing things for his family, friends, or true love? Is it selfishness? Is it the entire social structure stacked up against what he feels is his true calling? If Salim's purpose is simply self-expression it's going to feel weak. If you show a struggle to either _find_ a purpose in a purposeless society or _express_ a purpose when the odds are too great, it'll be more compelling.

Looks like there are some interesting ideas here worth honing, but the philosophy has to be something the reader will identify with. I think you're well on your way there.

Also, on your note on tense, you would be well advised to read up on [this discussion on present versus past tense](https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/2002/pros-ans-cons-of-writing-a-plot-based-on-the-present-and-past-tense-characters). A lot of modern fiction is being written in the present tense, and there has been some backlash against it when it is not done well and for a good reason.

Original score: 4