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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/42409
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/42409
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

In general, sex is a very repetitive act, and describing the sexual action is as difficult to do as any repetitive action, like a character digging a hole for an hour, or a character searching through dozens of reference books without any result for an afternoon.

For all of these repetitive acts, the way we show them cinematically (in print or on film) is to show emotional turning points. The man digging a hole starts the hole. Cut to hlfway through, he has to rest, and looks tired and frustrated, but then jumps back in the hole and starts digging again. Cut to the man throwing the shovel out of the hole, climbing out, exhausted. He walks to his pick-up truck, and drags a body-sized bag out of the truck, carries it to the hole and throws it in. He picks up the shovel. Cut to the man throwing the shovel into the back of his pick-up truck, and opening the driver's side door.

The same with searching through references books. They start. Cut to them rubbing their eyes and stretching, perhaps a conversation, the stronger person convincing the weaker one to keep reading. Cut to discovery and excitement. Done.

You want to apply the same idea to sex scenes; but in a book, focus on **emotions and thoughts** and the moments where they change phase. The mechanics of the sex are not nearly as important as what is happening in the POV character's head, and how she feels about it, what she wants, what she fears (even in consensual sex), what she is thinking, what she and her partner is saying.

Sex is about as intimate a setting as you can get, your characters are literally naked (usually). It is a natural setting for character development and reveals of a true self, true thoughts and feelings and desires.

Is this sport sex? Love sex? Dutiful sex? Vengeful sex? Sex for money? Sex to relieve boredom? Manipulative sex to get her way, or because she is a spy corrupting another person? All of these are different and imply different mind sets, thoughts, and feelings.

The question is about non-erotic fiction, but sex _especially,_ IRL, is often what seals or breaks the deal on romantic interest. That's human nature, both partners want to be with someone they enjoy having sex with. Not enjoying the sexual component of the relationship, at least early in a relationship, is a reason to break up.

So how much of the sex should be shown?

I don't bother with sex scenes if they aren't going to change anything.

I give the 10,000 foot overview, a few paragraphs, if the sex is only important for the reader to know it has happened; e.g. that Cindy does **have** a sex life with her boyfriend, but if the sex in question is routine and doesn't change her mind about anything, then I see no reason to show it, it has no impact on the plot or how Cindy feels or thinks about anything.

I go into greater detail on first-time sex, because I only write that when it IS plot or character changing. Both first-time in life (losing virginity) or first-time with another character, or first-time for some other reason. e.g. first _orgasmic_ sex, first casual sex, etc, something that makes my character feel different about herself or another character, or is actually a plot point. And often, first-time in the book, especially to establish something about a character that will change. For example, the character may have sex for sport, but eventually in the story will have sex **in love** and find that very different. The reader needs to understand the difference.

Within the sex scene, I focus on the points where it is **natural** for character feelings to change (say from lust to love), for truth to be revealed, or to develop a new side of a character -- say she is more aggressive in bed than we have seen her elsewhere, or vice versa. Also, I skip the repetitive parts, and focus on the turning points in the form of dialogue, thoughts and emotions. Like most writers I don't try to describe the details of sexual sensations or orgasms. For me, in writing, sex is in the mind and emotions.

Original score: 2