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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/42714
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/42714
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Guilty. I'm one of the people who told you to do seemingly impossible things.

**The truth is, sometimes you can't.** Shadowing someone at their job or activity is often really really hard, and nobody likes asking for that. But most people are happy to have a visitor. For example, in your [military question](https://writing.stackexchange.com/questions/42456/finding-out-about-other-countries-military-day-to-day) I was clear that you couldn't just go to a foreign base and ask to hang out observing everything for a day, but you could visit someone who lived on a base and at least see how day to day life was set up, which was the focus of your question. Making friends who would let you visit them is another issue, but possible in the days of the internet. Assuming you were able to go to the foreign country in the first place.

**The expert is not always who you think it is.**

The obvious expert in military life is a soldier living the military life. But soldiers are a small portion of the people who know what it's like. There are lots of staff people on a base, some military, some not. Military spouses are a fantastic source of information. And kids (including grown kids) who have lived on base will know a lot about it as well.

Finding an active-duty soldier in a foreign country to talk to you about life in the military is very hard, unless you get lucky with your networking. Finding a vet or a spouse or a kid who grew up that way or someone who worked there, not so hard. And it's easier to get them to talk to you because they're not in possession of potential military secrets so they won't be wary of your motivation.

If you **start off with written or filmed materials** , your questions will be a lot more focused and that will also increase the chances that someone will allow you to interview them. Honestly, I wouldn't want to indulge someone who came to me with "I need to know about X and I know you had Y affiliation with X. Tell me everything about it." But if someone instead said "I've read X and Y and follow Z's blog but I still have some questions about A, would you be willing to let me buy you a coffee and ask you some questions?" (or Skype or phone or internet chat) I'd be likely to say yes. Chances are strong your conversation would include topics you didn't mention, so it wouldn't have to be that narrow.

**Being a first-time writer isn't as big a deal as you think it is.**"I'm writing a book about X" doesn't require a CV. It's just your reason for asking, and one that often puts people at ease.

**Networking is the obvious answer** because it's the correct one. Again, the internet helps. You can put out requests on your Facebook feed (or wherever you do social media, if you do) and you might be shocked by the information that some people know or that people close to them know.

Once you find someone, approach them with confidence and respect for their time. Not everyone will want to take the time, and that's okay. Maybe they'll steer you to someone who can do it. Your desire to learn from them is legitimate and that alone will motivate people to feel they're getting something out of talking to you.

Original score: 2