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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/43521
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Caveat: I have not read the book but I've thought about wants and needs in the past, and I typically see _wants_ as external (e.g. money) and _needs_ as internal (e.g. love).

You said:

> In my character's case I know she's a mother that **wants to keep her family together by helping the husband expand his land and wealth**

I think this means she wants to take action to expand his land and wealth. Those actions might include facilitating the sorts of meetings he needs, managing the household finances more frugally, finding opportunities for him to make more money. As I see it, her want is to facilitate his need. This might be the agency she shows as a main character. She sets up meetings at the home, she searches out land sales, she puts their items on eBay to bring in more income. Et cetera. Maybe she nags him.

You said:

> and **she needs to accept that people need independence** and her kids may choose their path regardless of her efforts.

It seems to me that if she _needs_ to accept that people need independence, then she has an immediate conflict. Because she isn't allowing her husband the _independence_ to fail on his own. She is trying to force her version of success on him, because she wants him wealthy (as a means of keeping her family together.)

If she needs to allow independence in others, then she needs to allow her family to fall apart.

**Answer: The lie is that she thinks she _can_ help people find independence. They must find it for themselves.**

Original score: 7