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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/43669
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/43669
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I'm Jewish. My middle-grade fantasy novel is very Jewish. Most of my characters are either Jews or converts/future converts or people with at least one Jewish grandparent. But some are not.

My main character, Ruth age 12, is 100% of Jewish ancestry but has been raised secular. She lives in the United States in 1995. She starts to get external thoughts in her head about religious things, leading her to organize her family's first Passover seder. Then she hears voices. (Later, she starts to have visions—quick time-travel flashes to Ancient Egypt—but she doesn't mention them here.)

She confides in Phoebe, her best friend who is also her first cousin. Phoebe's mother, Pam, overhears and joins the conversation. Pam was raised in a black Baptist church in Houston, Texas and married a Jewish man she met in college. Then they moved back to his small town in Arizona.

In this scene, Ruth tells Pam about the voices and experiences she's had and Pam tries to help her make sense of it. In the book, the direct voice is a character from Ancient Egypt calling to her and I do not say if the supernatural events that occur are due to "God" or to "magic." It's open to the reader's interpretation.

At this point in the book, it's early, nothing obvious has happened yet, and Ruth and Phoebe don't know if Ruth's experiences are real or, as Phoebe suspects, all in Ruth's head. Pam doesn't know either but is inclined to consider it possible that God is involved.

I wrote the scene, my Jewish spouse thought it was fine, and then I showed it to my critique group. It was way off. I rewrote it some then showed it to a close friend who is an Evangelical Christian. Still way off. The problem is Pam's voice. I am not capturing how a Baptist (or any religious Christian) would express herself in this type of situation.

**How do I portray this character with an authentic Christian voice?** Both what she brings to the conversation (what is important to her) and how she expresses her thoughts and concerns.

Original score: 27