How do I differentiate characters in first person POV when the narrator doesn't know them yet?
Okay, so two women are in a bar and I'm telling the story from one of the women's POV. Two guys come in and the women are watching/listening to them from a distance. They don't know their names or anything about them.
The two guys have the exact same height and build, so I can't say "the shorter guy" or "the heavier guy," etc. They are both in t-shirts and jeans, so I can't describe what they're wearing to set them apart (unless I start off by saying that one guy is in a Metallica t-shirt or something like that). One guy has dark hair and brown eyes, and the other one has sandy blondish hair and blue eyes. I keep using "the dark-haired guy" over and over, but I need to come up with another way to describe him so it doesn't get so repetitive. I even called him "Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome" once, but I can't use that again.
When we switch POV in the next chapter, we'll know their names, so this won't be an issue. Any ideas for how I can differentiate between them? Anyone's help would be greatly appreciated!
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Well, first thing, how would you differentiate these two people if you met them in real life? Imagine yourself with a group of friends talking about a couple of strangers and think of how you would make it clear which one you talk about.
As far as I know, people would tend to attribute a name or nickname to the unknown person based on their first impression and use it to refer to them.
Another way you can vary how you refer to them it by using their mannerisms. Does one act like's he's always high on cafeine or does his neutral face looks like a permanent frown? Is his companion always serious? It works for voice too.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44135. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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When the men first come in, have the women invent names for them, make it a game.
"Wow, what's his name, do you think?"
"The dark haired guy? I say ... Richard."
"No way, I say William. Definitely a Will. The other guy, a Maybe!"
"Ha! Okay, Will, and, say, Mark."
"Mark! Okay. What does Mark do for a living?"
"He's pretty fit, I'd guess something active. I want him to be a park ranger."
"You just want to get him into the woods. Please, Mark Ranger, I lost my phone, come help me find it ..."
Fill this in with "color", actions, sounds, laughter and descriptions. But they are in a bar and drinking, let them have a little play fantasy while people watching. It's actually a fun game IRL. (Maybe because I'm a writer.) And, as a writer, it gives you a chance to describe the new characters.
If the men are within earshot and they start listening to the conversation, they can quiet down; but in the POV thoughts and anything she says to her friend, the men are Will and Mark. The joking assignment of names ensures the reader is fully aware these are "temporary" names, so they won't be confused if the real names appear.
The real names, if they ever find them out, can be wildly off, that doesn't matter.
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