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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44315
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44315
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

# 1. The issue

In my opinion the issue is a strong prevalence of telling rather than showing.

All I read in the OP was the description of some fancy lava lamp. To a reader it does not strike any emotion, and it serves no purpose.

# 2. Clarify your goal

First you need to establish what you want to write about. If it is just a physical description, then you're on the good track. If it is a story instead, you need to clarify what is the plot.

# 3. On writing

A note on the content. It is a fact that telling a reader that they should be scared will, at best, elicit a good laugh. You need to show them they there are good reasons to be scared. Start by showing normality, create characters that the readers can relate to, then bring in your lava lamp and make it destroy this normality. Focus on the loss and helplessness (or any feeling you want to show) of the characters that the readers can relate to and refrain from plain descriptions. In fanfic it helps to convert your emotions when you read the original work. Start from the things you like and write down what you felt.

# 4. On asking

To avoid getting your questions closed, focus on what you really need. "I have a beast in mind, but I am stuck on its description. When I re read my text it sounds plain. How can I improve it/what should I focus on so that a reader may feel scared/intrigued?" May fly better.

Original score: 1