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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44491
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/44491
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

What you describe in the question sounds perfectly fine to me. So if other people are telling you (or you're telling yourself) that it's not quite right, the problem isn't _what_ you're doing, it's _how_ you're doing it.

After all, some people love to watch TV coverage of poker games. There the narrator can only describe what the camera sees, and maybe add some outside information (like a player's history). There's no way to know what's happening in the players' heads.

While adding in POVs from different characters might work great, it could also be very confusing and busy and turn the reader off. Do it only if there's a strong reason for it and not because you're worried the narrator you have is too dull.

For those who like watching poker (not being one of them, I can only guess), I assume they get to know the players some. The way that watching the Olympics is more fun if you know some of the backstories of the top competitors (how he slipped on the ice half a second before the finish line 4 years ago and lost the gold, how she trained in a country that doesn't even get snow and still made the Olympics). But pausing the action to stick in one more "heartwarming" story is enough to make you barf (don't do this).

So get to know the characters ahead of time (I don't know your story so I am guessing you do this but I don't actually know). We need to know what's at stake for each character as s/he plays. Reputation? Money? Proving something? or? Then each change in the cards and bets has meaning.

The sounds, smells, sights, and physicality of the scene you describe help set the mood. Not just for the reader but for the characters. You can also show what some of the characters are feeling by their actions and what they do and don't notice. Distracted, nervous, focused.

When you're done writing it, show it to someone you trust to tell you the truth. See what does and doesn't work and write it again.

Original score: 3