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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/44549
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

How can I smooth the transitions in this text? I feel like the POVs are changed quite a lot which makes it fairly confusing for readers to understand.

To elucidate your points, please feel free to criticize the attached piece. I'm looking to learn some strategies that I can employ to refine an amateur's writing.

If you do find any other points of concern, please bring them up! I'm trying to learn the various parameters on which I must judge writing.

Thanks!

Piece:

> Even years upon years of numerous failed attempts hadn’t taken away its childlike astonishment. The sheer enormity of the endless void is something her fickle mind cannot even begin to fathom. It just stood awestruck, hands clutching the windows as it beheld the wondrous sight, as though for the first time. Brilliant flecks of light spotted the ink blank expanse, illuminating it in a host of vibrant hues. It imagined that the very fabric that wove the universe together was the canvas of a meticulous craftsman: its people called him God. The pictures and lore it had heard of were incomparable to the stunning magnificence of the ethereal sight.
> 
> Report of specimen AX382’s final attempt: The vehicle grinds to a halt. The specimen seems to have decided to discover the confines of its vehicle. Its face is obscured beneath a veil of glass; its body encased in a bulky suit laden with contraptions. A tether anchors it to the vehicle, perhaps a as precautionary measure. Our calculations have determined that its present location is highly precarious. One might assert that the specimen is most certainly unaware of the impending dangers or lacks the technological expertise to foresee it. In contradiction, the specimen has previously proven its tact by evading fatal situations. We conclude that this region has been deliberately chosen by it. Estimated time to event: 120 seconds.
> 
> A dazzling bolt of white-hot energy obliterates her defenseless form. Her limbs flail and writhe for mere instants before crumbling to ash, scattering across the cosmos. Finally unshackled, she roamed the skies that she had so long yearned to. The resounding sound of silence that followed is the music in which her spirit shall be preserved for evermore.

Original score: 0