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Q&A Where is the line between a tough love character and a pure asshole?

Look at her motives. "Tough love" is someone making hard calls or asking difficult things for the right reasons. A parent making you get up at 6:00 a.m. to go to school no matter how tired you are...

posted 5y ago by Lauren Ipsum‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-13T12:00:48Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45247
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T11:55:02Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45247
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T11:55:02Z (about 5 years ago)
Look at her motives.

"Tough love" is someone making hard calls or asking difficult things for the right reasons. A parent making you get up at 6:00 a.m. to go to school no matter how tired you are, or insisting that you do all your chores before going out, because it teaches you responsibility. A drill instructor who goads trainees to finish a grueling obstacle course because it teaches endurance, perserverance, and a belief in yourself.

"Being an asshole" is someone being mean to you for the wrong reason, or no reason, or because the person enjoys being cruel. Making you get up at 6:00 a.m. on a weekend just so the person can berate you for not having a job, or making you scrub the toilet with a toothbrush. A drill instructor who makes you do pushups in the rain for hours because your bed wasn't made to the nth degree of precision. Bullying someone for being fat.

Particularly with someone like a drill instructor, there can be a fine line between tough love and bullying, so your reader should see that your character _means_ well but may be overdoing it and not realizing it. So you show that your character can be nice to someone who doesn't require instruction (doesn't have to be "someone who's innocent"), and that can open the door to character development and growth.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2019-05-18T14:38:33Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 5