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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/45252
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I wrote the following:

> She invited him to look out the window, which he did. He looked out of the gray window and saw a field of green vegetables under a lush blue sky. Children were playing in the hills descending and going up them as they played games. Under the mountain, a large silvery river fed plants and animals in large abundance. It was like heaven on earth. **Her beautiful smile made him cry a bit as she stood beside him.**

I wrote this, but I am not sure how to improve the transition from the non-bolded part to the bolded part? Is it just a case of not telling the readers that the main character "turned his head towards her", or is there more to it?

> She invited him to look out the window, which he did. He looked out of the gray window and saw a field of green vegetables under a lush blue sky. Children were playing in the hills descending and going up them as they played games. Under the mountain, a large silvery river fed plants and animals in large abundance. It was like heaven on earth. **He turned his head towards her. Her beautiful smile made him cry a bit as she stood beside him.**

I feel like even if I do that, it sounds really awkward and bad, but I can't point the finger on what's wrong with it. Is it a case where we need a different paragraph for the bolded part?

Original score: 3