Communities

Writing
Writing
Codidact Meta
Codidact Meta
The Great Outdoors
The Great Outdoors
Photography & Video
Photography & Video
Scientific Speculation
Scientific Speculation
Cooking
Cooking
Electrical Engineering
Electrical Engineering
Judaism
Judaism
Languages & Linguistics
Languages & Linguistics
Software Development
Software Development
Mathematics
Mathematics
Christianity
Christianity
Code Golf
Code Golf
Music
Music
Physics
Physics
Linux Systems
Linux Systems
Power Users
Power Users
Tabletop RPGs
Tabletop RPGs
Community Proposals
Community Proposals
tag:snake search within a tag
answers:0 unanswered questions
user:xxxx search by author id
score:0.5 posts with 0.5+ score
"snake oil" exact phrase
votes:4 posts with 4+ votes
created:<1w created < 1 week ago
post_type:xxxx type of post
Search help
Notifications
Mark all as read See all your notifications »
Q&A

Post History

50%
+0 −0
Q&A What's wrong with impersonal and lifeless descriptions in a novel? [closed]

It feels like there is something wrong with using impersonal descriptions in fiction. But what is it? As an example, I'm unhappy with the following passage I wrote, because the descriptions are...

2 answers  ·  posted 5y ago by blackbird‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T11:56:17Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/45291
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar blackbird‭ · 2019-12-08T11:56:17Z (almost 5 years ago)
It feels like there is something wrong with using impersonal descriptions in fiction. But what is it?

As an example, I'm unhappy with the following passage I wrote, because the descriptions aren't attached to a person's actions. But is that really a bad thing? And if so, how do you get around it?

> The projector beamed a short footage onto a large white sheet in the darkness of the room. The light were completely shut close and there we could only see this cone of light in the middle of the room projecting its rays onto the white sheet in the front of the room. However, peculiarly enough, there was enough light to see the white matter of the eyes of there people inside the room which was starring at the projected footage with undivided attention. It was as if their eyes were possessed by a ghost as their eyes would barely budge regardless of how many times the footage looped on itself. Even after the footage had played a dozen of times, their eyes were as wide open as ever.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2019-05-20T19:48:36Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 2