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It feels like there is something wrong with using impersonal descriptions in fiction. But what is it? As an example, I'm unhappy with the following passage I wrote, because the descriptions are...
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T11:56:17Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/45291 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
blackbird
·
2019-12-08T11:56:17Z (over 4 years ago)
It feels like there is something wrong with using impersonal descriptions in fiction. But what is it? As an example, I'm unhappy with the following passage I wrote, because the descriptions aren't attached to a person's actions. But is that really a bad thing? And if so, how do you get around it? > The projector beamed a short footage onto a large white sheet in the darkness of the room. The light were completely shut close and there we could only see this cone of light in the middle of the room projecting its rays onto the white sheet in the front of the room. However, peculiarly enough, there was enough light to see the white matter of the eyes of there people inside the room which was starring at the projected footage with undivided attention. It was as if their eyes were possessed by a ghost as their eyes would barely budge regardless of how many times the footage looped on itself. Even after the footage had played a dozen of times, their eyes were as wide open as ever.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-05-20T19:48:36Z (almost 5 years ago)
Original score: 2