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It's fine to use action to insert a beat in the dialogue, or just as a change of pace from tags. But you must separate out each person's actions (whether it's speech, thought, or something else) i...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-20T00:40:45Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45947 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:10:46Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45947 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
It's fine to use action to insert a beat in the dialogue, or just as a change of pace from tags. But you must separate out each person's actions (whether it's speech, thought, or something else) in to a new paragraph. What you wrote isn't clear. Amadeus' version is perfectly good. How you format it is up to you and it will depend on the sentence or two that comes before this excerpt too (if the character is identified already). Here's a version that doesn't use any tags (I'll use Amadeus' Marcia): > Marcia turned. "What?!" > > I laughed, giving her a minute to process my words. > > "You're getting married? I never thought I'd see the day!" In other words, you don't need anything in the "What" line. Putting the "I laughed" line after it is going to give you the pause you want. Since it's separate now, the reader won't be confused about who is speaking. The last line also doesn't need a tag or action marker to show who's speaking, because it's obvious in context. I would, however, include an "I" or a "Marcia" in whatever comes after that. So the reader doesn't lose track.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-06-12T23:49:28Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 5