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I like your last example. Just keep the speedy action and remove the final sentence that seems out of place for your setting. If your character knows what she's doing, the action she performs will ...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2020-01-02T16:43:49Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45969 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:11:34Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45969 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I like your last example. Just keep the speedy action and remove the final sentence that seems out of place for your setting. If your character knows what she's doing, the action she performs will be subconscious; even she won't think about it much, and the prose reflects that. > Her hand hit like thunder, whirling the gun away from the man's fingers and into her own. > He didn't know guns. She did. Simple as that. > Jane grinned.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-06-13T15:49:48Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 14