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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46283
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46283
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I'm not a RPG player, but it sounds to me like you are engaged in standard fiction writing with a 3rd person neutral narrator; perhaps unlimited (knows what all characters think and feel). The player are the "characters".

The only thing I see out of place in that regard is the opinion phrase:

> After all, anyone with any sense would have avoided this place ...

That non-neutral claim suddenly (to me anyway) makes the speaker another _person_ in the book (or group). You would get the same effect, deleting it:

> An intense feeling of dread muffles every sense, it seems a place where no living being belongs.

If different characters see different things:

> The group sees a being materialize before them in the road. Bob sees an old witch. Gretchen sees a dragon. Frank sees a troll, and Larry sees a ghostly, half-transparent frog the size of a goat. The being speaks.

I would write your narrative like most commercial fiction is written, with a disembodied narrator that does _not_ feel like another character in the book with their own feelings or opinions, they just describe the settings and describe what the characters sense and feel. A neutral observer that has access to character emotions. (And in fiction often access to character thoughts, but it might be more effective to let your players think whatever they want).

Set yourself some rules for what this narrator can do, and stay consistent.

Original score: 3