Writing an ace/aro character?
In a fantasy series that I’ve been working on for some time now, there is a character that I’ve always kind of seen as not having sexual or romantic attraction. Originally, I did have a love interest planned for him, but it always felt extremely forced to me, or like I was trying to incorporate a storyline that didn’t fit him just for the sake of having more romance in the plot.
I eventually made the decision to write him as ace/aro (aromantic/asexual), and this is what I’m sticking to at this point because it feels right for him and it feels like who he is, but the problem lies in how I go about communicating his asexuality to the readers, or writing it in a way that doesn’t feel contrived.
For example, one of the main characters is a lesbian, and this is obviously very easy to show as she harbors romantic feelings for and eventually ends up with the female protagonist. And writing bisexual characters is not difficult either (especially for me considering I am bisexual myself) as you can show them being attracted to members of both sexes. But a lack of sexuality?
I don’t know if he could possibly just say something along the lines of “I just don’t feel that way about people.” If so, how would I work this into a natural conversation? I would just like some pointers so that I can do this right, especially since I am not ace/aro myself.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/46469. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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Social innocence
As has already been said, there is a large variation in what it means to be ace/aro. So this feature (based on my own experience) will not be exhibited by all ace characters.
Put simply, such a person's reasons for socialising are driven by curiosity and friendliness rather than attraction or sexual motives, and they have difficulty comprehending or detecting such motives. Some might call it cluelessness or naïvety, but I personally see it as an honourable trait and would describe it as innocence; a lack of game-playing.
In my experience when ace person A interacts with sexual person B, person B is often aware on some level, and dials themselves down to some degree. Sometimes it can even be a relief for person B to enjoy interacting without sexual overtones. However, it is particularly an outside observer X that will misunderstand, be confused, or try to "teach" person A. (Which could either be portrayed as personal growth for A, or as a kind of corruption; something about A that shouldn't be changed.) X may set A up with people, getting confused when things initially look great but don't go anywhere.
Friendliness without motives:
Jordan's eyes wandered away from the page, and he chewed on his pen trying to remember that cross product formula. He couldn't help but notice the bright red "Оде́сса" on the T-shirt of a slim, blonde girl across the desk.
He hadn't gotten very far learning Cyrillic, but he gave it a stab. "Odessa?"
"Yes," she smiled.
He paused in thought. "What does that mean again?"
"It is in Ukraine," she said, with a noticeable accent. "It is where I am coming from."
[ ... they chat, then study more, then she leaves ... ]
Hamish scooted over from his desk. "Mate, how did you do that?"
Jordan shrugged. "I know a bit of Russian. Well, some letters."
"She looked pretty interested. When are you gonna meet her?"
Confused, Jordan said "I just did...?" After a pause, his face went white. "Oh — oh! No! I wasn't — we were just talking."
Then there's enjoying or initiating somewhat intimate activities oblivious to romantic or sexual overtones:
Martin leafed through his cash, counting out the right amount for the boat rental. Cherise felt like being more active than the others, so she pulled Dan aside and said, "Hey, do you think a kayak would be more fun?" Dan enthusiastically agreed.
"Marty!" Dan shouted, "Count us out! We're going to get a kayak." Martin winked at them and started putting back some of the money.
The gorge was really something. They spent the next two hours paddling upstream, not too far behind their motorboating friends, and chatting about childhood memories. After a while, Cherise said "Hey, thanks for coming out with me. This is such an amazing experience."
"Thanks! Yeah, it's been great," Dan responded. And then, mischievously, "So... why have you been sleeping by yourself?"
"Because I've got the one-man tent?" she said, wondering why the answer wasn't obvious.
"You know, I like you."
Cherise thought about it for a while. She imagined being someone else. Would she like what she saw in herself? "Yeah, I like myself. I like you too. I like all our friends. We're good people. I think that's what counts."
Dan gave up. He could tell that she wasn't rejecting him; she really had no idea what was going on. Which meant she had no motive behind her invitation. He suddenly felt even more attracted.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46496. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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A Master for your Student
I would solve this issue by creating a Master for your Student. Either a new character, or re-purpose an existing character.
In The Karate Kid, Daniel (Student) is a new kid in town, and getting picked on, escaping a few fights. But he gets cornered by six teens taking Karate, and gets beat up -- but saved by Mr. Miyagi (Master), that defeats all six teens at once and sends them running. Then the Master agrees to teach the Student to fight. They become friends, with zero sexual or romantic overtones.
I'll name the ace/aro male Danny (Student). Danny is put in an uncomfortable situation at a party. He is fumbling the refusal of advances by a drunk girl. Another girl he doesn't know (Alison, ace/aro Master) steps in to "save" him; she says, "get off my guy," and points the drunk girl to another guy that will be more accommodating.
Danny said, "Thanks, I guess. What's your name?"
"Alison. I think we're going to be friends. What's your name?"
"Danny. I'm not great at being 'friends', as you saw," Danny said, putting air quotes around the word.
Alison laughed. "Okay, I don't mean 'friends'," she said, mimicking his air quotes, "I mean friends, like you must be friends with the guy that gave you that haircut, cause I can't imagine any other reason you'd let somebody do that to you. So, no flowers, no kissing, no hook ups. Cause I don't do any of that, and I think you don't either. Wanna be friends?"
Daniel looked up in surprise. No flowers, no kissing, no hook ups. He'd never heard anyone just ... say it. "My uncle cuts my hair. He's been a barber for forty years."
Alison squinted at his head in mock puzzlement. "Oh yeah, I could see that. Third grader cut with a retro vibe."
She opened her eyes wide with a big grin. "Bold choice, Danny!"
Danny shook his head. "So are we going to insult each other, in this friendship?"
"Maybe. We will tell each other the truth, how about that?"
This doesn't have to be the whole story. You already have your story. You just need another ace/aro, so you can demonstrate a true ace/aro male/female friendship that won't go any further. Alison has experience and the personality to help Danny navigate being an ace/aro without hurting anybody's feelings. In whatever way you see fit; e.g. they could attend parties together, and let people assume what they will, even enjoy each other's company alone without having to worry about sexual or romantic pressures, and so on.
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