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Just get rid of the redundancies, and it will sound fine. Original: "Here's the chip in question." he said as he handed to chip to him. "It's a very old chip, make sure you take care of it." ...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-19T22:13:50Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46584 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:26:00Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46584 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Just get rid of the redundancies, and it will sound fine. > Original: "Here's the chip in question." he said as he handed to chip to him. "It's a very old chip, make sure you take care of it." > > Revised: "Here's the chip in question," he said, as he handed it to him, "It's very old, make sure you take care of it." You don't have to repeat "chip" every time. An alternative is to name the object _second_: > Revised: "This is the one," he said, handing him an anti-stat bag holding a chip. "It's very old, make sure you take care of it."
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-07-12T19:44:00Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 12