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I'm in agreement with Amadeus here. It's just not a technique that is going to work. I'm trying to think of an exception, and I can't. Already you're messing with things by having the 1st pers...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-20T00:40:46Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46595 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:26:38Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/46595 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I'm in agreement with Amadeus here. It's just not a technique that is going to work. I'm trying to think of an exception, and I can't. Already you're messing with things by having the 1st person narration know what's in Jason's head. Since the main character is telling this part of the story, s/he shouldn't know what Jason is thinking of and it makes zero sense to include it. Maybe first person isn't right for you. Maybe you really want a narrator that can zip in and out of various characters' heads. That is fine. But it's not what you're doing. ## Focus on clarifying your narrative and your story will be a lot stronger.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-07-13T17:03:32Z (almost 5 years ago)
Original score: 3