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Jane popped the stone in her hand. First, I think you know that isn't the right word, the image is like popping a balloon. Second, don't tell us, just show us, describe the scene, and don't w...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-19T22:13:52Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47061 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:36:41Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47061 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
> Jane popped the stone in her hand. First, I think you know that isn't the right word, the image is like popping a balloon. Second, don't **tell** us, just show us, describe the scene, and don't worry about if it takes more words. Don't make us guess what she's doing, show us, and tell us what she is thinking, so we become immersed in being Jane for a moment. Making one up: > Jane picked up the stone. Her grip felt right, it had the right heft, it felt solid and wouldn't break. She turned it, no sharp edges to cut her. She tossed it about a foot in the air and caught it. It wasn't awkward, she could hunt with it. Take a squirrel. Even a rabbit. Gods, she'd kill for a fat rabbit about now. She added the stone to her pouch, and continued walking, scanning the ground for more weapons.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-08-02T10:51:37Z (over 5 years ago)
Original score: 8