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Q&A Does this paragraph make you want to keep reading?

The name of the toy store would keep me reading for a bit longer. I had trouble with the "ever" in the first line. The last toy I ever bought as a child, for myself? The last toy I ever bought as ...

posted 13y ago by Elizabeth‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Answer
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T01:47:34Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/4874
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar Elizabeth‭ · 2019-12-08T01:47:34Z (almost 5 years ago)
The name of the toy store would keep me reading for a bit longer.

I had trouble with the "ever" in the first line. The last toy I ever bought as a child, for myself? The last toy I ever bought as an adult, because I didn't know any children to buy toys for?

This line: _If you’re in a “gift sized fix” and in need of the latest razzler dazzler—-you call us._ seems unnecessary, and I agree with Standback that it doesn't quite fit the tone.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2012-01-24T14:50:07Z (almost 13 years ago)
Original score: 3