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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47426
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47426
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Grab a friend or family member and print out the scene so you each have it on paper. Ask the other person to read it out loud, acting it out to some degree. Was there a pause in your head that your reader just missed? Circle it on your copy.

Have your partner take one character while you take the other (add people or double up on characters if you need to). If beats are missing, you'll hear it.

Now, try the passages different ways. Play with it. How much time do you actually need for it to feel right, as if it were dialogue in a movie? Of course you don't want a scene that would take 15 minutes in a movie to take 15 minutes to read, but you want the reader to feel that that amount of time has gone by in the character's world.

Intersperse your dialogue with narrative. It helps break things up for the reader too. If there's a pause in the conversation, show the reader what your viewpoint character is looking at, or thinking. Or use the narrator to add descriptions of the setting. Make sure these things add to the story and aren't just filler.

These elements can be directly about the passage of time or they can just move the reader's focus for a bit, which has a similar effect. Use paragraph breaks when jumping from one element to another or when narrating that significant time has passed.

None of your scenes should be very long though. Fifteen minutes is forever both in a movie and in a book chapter. It's okay if the writing is sparse as long as you convey the passage of time.

Original score: 3