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Q&A My scenes seem too fast

Thinking about it. This bit expands on Chris Sunami's suggestion, one way to extend the dialogue is to describe the thoughts and feelings of the POV character as the dialogue progresses, or as the...

posted 4y ago by Amadeus‭  ·  last activity 4y ago by System‭

Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-19T22:13:53Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47444
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T12:45:19Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47444
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T12:45:19Z (over 4 years ago)
### Thinking about it.

This bit expands on Chris Sunami's suggestion, one way to extend the dialogue is to describe the _thoughts_ and _feelings_ of the POV character as the dialogue progresses, or as the scene progresses.

We are presumably following some character, or several characters, that are not wooden posts, and care about and think about what is being discussed. Along with the setting, along with adding the pauses, this is another element that can be discussed.

Many _long_ silences exist because someone is thinking through what was said, or is experiencing emotions about what was said.

Usually when people pause in the middle of saying something, they aren't brain dead for three seconds -- They are struggling for the right words, or to not give offense, or deciding whether they should say anything or not. Even if they are not the POV character, the POV character can be guessing at which of these reasons apply, or assuming one and taking offense anyway:

> Bill said, "I just think, Stan, if you do --"
> 
> Bill stopped and grimaced, struggling for a word.
> 
> _Trying to think of way to not call me stupid._
> 
> Bill continued, "-- it could backfire."
> 
> _'Cause it's stupid, right? Screw you Bill!_
> 
> Stan spoke calmly. "I'm not stupid, Bill. I've thought this out."
> 
> "I don't think you have," Bill said.

### TENSION: Conflict, argument, disagreement, intrigue, concealment, deception, the search for knowledge, a search for connection, negotiation and rejection.

A second thing that has not been mentioned is the need for _disagreement_ in dialogue. Conflicting plans, disagreement over the facts, arguments about whose idea is better or why an idea isn't going to work.

Dialogue without tension is passive, flaccid, and gets skimmed, and in the worst cases is just an info dump. Dialogue should be some kind of struggle, whether it is in romantic pursuit or facing down a villain, telling a parent they are an alcoholic that needs help.

It doesn't have to be over-the-top fraught, but even friendlies can disagree or want different things; and dialogue that is planning a future course of action can be inherently tense; people are accepting roles and responsibilities they will have to meet. They should seldom agree lightly, and often should negotiate, demand concessions, or exact a price, or try to strike a bargain.

Tension engages a reader, puts them in the mind of what they would do or say in the same situation. It is also your opportunity, as an author, to come up with something clever for your character to say, instead of a knee-jerk response.

### Tension for non-dialogue scenes and description.

You can add tension, and interest, even to the description of a landscape by having a character's thoughts contrast it with similar landscapes, situations, memories it evokes. A warrior standing on a new street will see it differently than a merchant; the warrior can see things in terms of tactical advantage if a battle were waged here, prioritizing the assets. The merchant is assessing where best to set up shop, and what shops are missing, or not doing well, or look profitable.

On the trail through the woods, the princess is looking for flowers and birds and thinking it is a nice day, her guard are looking for brigands in trees, behind bushes and rock formations and thinking it's a nice day for an ambush.

You can filter your prose through the eyes, thinking and emotions of a character in order to add tension. Tension helps keeps readers from being bored by endless description. A character can sense conflict with their environment.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2019-08-20T22:27:09Z (over 4 years ago)
Original score: 3