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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47531
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47531
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I think you are not writing a story, you are writing a vignette that captures a moment; this is more akin to poetry or a painting or a song or photography, those all (aim to) capture a feeling, emotion, or dramatic moment. (I am presuming this is fiction, and not an academic essay detailing some process or proof.)

This is still art, it is still writing, it just isn't a story.

A story (IMO, and opinions vary) is a narrative about a struggle that is won or lost. Typically by some main character, with a stake in the outcome, often with a villain. A story has conflicts, the MC wants something to happen (or not happen) and is met with resistance, or confusion about how to bring it about, etc.

I would call what you write a vignette, or essay, or sketch. To get better at that, I would focus more precisely on what moment or feeling you are trying to convey, and ensure every line contributes to that, and nothing else, don't cross signals. Study how poetry works (I haven't), or read fiction not for the plots, but for the parts where an author describes feelings, or settings, and tries to set an atmosphere. That is the kind of thing you are trying to capture also, and you can analyze sentence structure, word choices, the mix of sentence lengths and tense to see how they accomplish this, and try to emulate that, or use it to edit and improve your existing vignettes.

Original score: 8