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In your section (5), when A feels sympathy, it isn't enough to feel sympathy. You have to give A some reason to reject their previous life. Personally, I'd revise this: A is too much in charge. Fo...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-19T22:13:53Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47702 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T12:51:33Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47702 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
In your section (5), when A feels sympathy, it isn't enough to feel sympathy. You have to give A some reason to reject their previous life. Personally, I'd revise this: A is too much in charge. For example, instead of A confronting B, maybe A tries to thwart B, and then B confronts A, and interrogates A. In that interrogation we get both A's backstory (why they are as they are) and B's story _voluntarily_, why they are doing what they are doing. That covers 4, 5, and the missing piece X, which is A realizing their flaw, and that has to happen before 6. Then 6 can happen, A realizes they've been a self-centered ass, and realizes B's actions are just, and determines to put aside their own nature and own benefit to help B, regardless of the consequences, because B's goals are the right thing to do.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2019-08-30T11:44:33Z (about 5 years ago)
Original score: 2