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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47774
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/47774
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

The problem with your description doesn't seem to be the word count, but a lack of conflict. Sesquipedalias has the right idea - it feels like you've described something that _isn't_ important to your story.

You have a character waving goodbye and drinking his coffee - both ordinary, everyday actions. You've gone out of your way to call the reader's attention to something that appears to be perfectly normal. It's a signal to the readers that something _isn't_ normal, and they should take a closer look.

Mundane actions are rarely described in detail, unless they're remarkable in some way. Readers can safely assume that a character went to work, ate dinner, and went to sleep. There's no real need for the writer to mention these things - unless the character got into a car accident during the morning commute, had an argument break out at the dinner table, or fell asleep and had a bizarre, prophetic dream.

It's up to you to decide what you wanted to achieve by adding these two lines and putting more focus on it (or, if there was none, I'd recommend editing it out).

If you're looking to avoid describing the character's inner thoughts, one option is to change how you describe his actions. For example:

> He gave her a halfhearted wave goodbye, then sighed and sipped his cup of coffee while staring gloomily towards the window. When the elevator rang, he looked back at her and forced a smile to send her off.

Original score: 2